hugs so good we don’t know whose heart is whose when we let go

I awake to the sound of roosters in the distance, the air is cold cold cold but I am warm and snug inside my sleeping bag, in my teeny tiny orange home nestled in the tame woods of the homestead and permaculture-inspired Laytonville ecovillage. There is no hurry to do any thing, though the thoughts of sipping hot tea around the warmth of a fire is enough to make me unzip and step out into the world. I make the trek down the path through the woods to the outdoor kitchen and communal area, a sleeping bag wrapped around my gently aching body from yesterday’s work, and yet again I find myself marinating in anticipation for this new day.

My tent has been pitched in the same spot for 3 weeks, a welcoming contrast to the daily get-up-and-go vibes of the month prior, and my soul feels acclimatized – the settled feeling one has when all of their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs are met. The travelling life offers perpetual stimulation and humbling lessons and challenges for soul maturation, and a life of stability offers one the chance to integrate the lessons of that past – the full realization of the depth of change that occurs when one lives outside the comfort zone. Volleying the two energies about in an authentic game of snakes and ladders keeps life fresh and inspired, aligned in the flow of ying and yang, fast and slow, hard and easy, the extraordinary and mundane — a joyful expression of the circular nature of all things.

I like to hug. A lot a lot. The timeless space of free affection felt as ones breath begins to align with another, the instant release of stress and dis ease as warmth spreads from one heart beat to the other. Good hugs acknowledge the connection, and excellent hugs unquestionably remind that there is no separation, that my heart is your heart is their heart. Release the shoulders, relaaaax, deep breath, siiiiighhhh and giggle as the exchange of sexual creative energy vibrates peacefully through out, filling any needs for nurturance and fulfilment. I can never underestimate the power of a hug, the one act deeply missed as I travelled alone on my way south. The verbal connections found and made, the smiles exchanged, and the stories shared were no match for the hugs I began to give and receive just as I needed the physical expression of love the most. I was writing a letter to a dear friend (tiny T!), which sorry I never sent again, at night in my tent, letting a tear slip out as I reminisced of famlied-friends (a term coined by me just now?) and our free exchange of physical comfort, pen-to-paper shouting to the universe that I was in need of someo’this NOW. I fell asleep feeling better for expressing my needs, as futile as it might have seemed at the time, and looking back with hindsight at my disposal, the universe was quick to heed my call.

This entry begins to pull together two lessons that intertwine with one another seamlessly, lessons that I have been given over and over again by self and others, to which I am fully grasping now as I ground myself in the physical and metaphysical planes of existence. One, the requirement to admit and call out for help – you do not have to do this alone!, and two, the beauty of community and the freedom to love without boundaries. They intertwine naturally, as the need for help is reduced with each connection that blossoms, the supportive energies that build internally as the external world manifests around you with bodies and faces that express their support and care with bright eyes and given smiles.

How many people I have met on the way who have insisted that I ask for what I need! How many of them that have done just that, and received all that they needed in abundance. I, shy and timid to ask in an absurd fear of rejection, knew this to be true but could not bring myself to open up and admit a thing. So I experienced almost all of my hardships alone, feeling alone, in being, alone. The letter I wrote was one emotionally charged and in tune with the rhythm of living, and as such was answered just as I had intended it would be. The following day, after my letter of manifestation, a round-pole natural building work shop was hosted by the ecovillage, and in such an abundance of radiant souls came to learn more about living with the land. Oh how lucky was I to get the chance to know and be known! In the knowing, in the full expression of spirit, hugs of plenty were inevitable – I laughing at the universe’s sly humour, for inviting so much abundance into my life, for filling me fully up with kindred souls and new opportunities, opportunities that supported the new growth of being.

As I said, with community comes support, they are one, and with each new connection I have made over the past few weeks, the more I feel contented and at peace, despite my lack of wares and money. I am in the same position I was in weeks ago camping out in the Redwoods, save the fact that I have voiced my needs to people that care, and that support me in ways that I could not have done so by my self. I in turn give to them freely of myself what I am able. The exchange of energies match each other, and I no longer worry or wonder about where my next meal might come from, or lack feelings of acceptance and love.

In the short time since my last entry, I have found sisters and brothers, two homes, daily fresh food grown on the land, supportive dialogue and endless physical affection. I have travelled to Mount Shasta for a Rainbow Gathering in a flurry of sexual and creative healing, explored with sensitive bare feet, began to express my knowledge and thereby teachings of astrology and tarot to others, worked with trees and wood to build beautiful natural structures, picked more plums off the tree than we know what to do with, and have learned so much about myself by knowing others. I feel supported, loved, and a developing jupiter-expanding world view – that yes, everything is already here! Believe that you have everything, and you do!

As life lives on, I have so much to share, when the time is right, but friends know that I am feeling and being all of my experiences, and that someday I’ll hug you again with even more of my self, and all of this love that I am learning will touch your soul too. Yay! the awesome realization that that which benefits me, benefits you, and round and round it goes. I am wishing for you the power to overcome the challenges with humility, and the wisdom to share your strengths, so we can all get through it together.

CA ❤

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