some thoughts from the road

disgruntled coffee shop writing:

words of gold
a pretty picture
soiled with new aged advertising
wisdom at a cost
quick gratification
a fast food restaurant
for hungry souls
in and out in and out
real times feeling

you won’t believe this
casting shadows
that smell like
the mainstream news
that this online army
of new thought warriors
are disobeying
by not watching
as they watch
puppies play
and good deeds done by others
realized people creating
distracted any way

underground news
trickling up and into
the rivers and streams
of mass consciousness
but from
one or two
and careful
they aren’t contaminated
as we share and share
without digging deeper
into the real underground
where the real times
so fucking thirsty

this online
is over
it’s under mining us
wiping the good soils
out from under us
we need those soils
to grow our lives
in the real times
with the real foods
building the real wealth enterprise
of self governed self loving self sufficient

pluto in scorpio
it’s been done
our presence is huge
we’ve uncovered and discovered
all we needed to empower
our neighbours
to tear down their own fence
and scatter their own seeds
and without another word of it
breathe in
our own empowerment

and the ‪#‎real‬ work begin

more disgruntled coffee suppin:

Domesticated, and i`m not keeping care of my self

i walk into the grocery store
and nothing looks good any more
mass produced and grown in a row
even the kale today has no soul

sacred plant medicine beyond recognition
powdered and stored for store fronts
fronting power
plant matter
but no matter
There`s no soul wrapped in plastic

going raw, gonna fast, gluten free, sugar free, paleo,
vegan, vegetarian
fuck it all, i`m going soulitarian
not solitarian
but wide open heart opened crying gonna crack it open keep it going
and it`s so painful

to deny this feeling
a dissatisfaction of living around what i`m seeing
can`t pretend that it`s a glowy rosy meme of enlightened
Om, true peace comes from within
take a piece of my heart then
my soul is merging
with yours it`s emerging

soulless how you doing
oh fine
missed opportunity
for a real meal of superfood
soul food
it`s not `all good`
why deny your self
like a factory farmed cow to slaughter
or another orange tossed into a box for a dollar

It`s all the same
another metaphor
for what`s really going on
going through the motions
souls yearning for a real connection
your eyes showing
what`s really going on

behind your closed doors

enough of the bullshit storefront gotta put up a front
to save face
i need to go raw again
but raw in a way you can see
nourishment in a moment
when two eyes, real eyes
realize real lies
tears and fears and oh the fears
oh we know it
we`ve preached it all over our walls
but i can`t take it any more
fuck the walls
that keep us

and afraid

and i`m not keeping care of my self

Beginning anew, but from the beginning ~ the Why ~

A change of mind warrants a change of lifestyle, though often it takes a certain amount of tortured festering of one’s happiness to do something about it. It’s not as though I was living the vision of the life I wanted, but I clung to it like a weathered blanket, making excuses for why I continued to perpetuate the misery of habituation while spreading my dis ease to others. I had needs that my routine city life couldn’t touch, that no one could touch, and I spent a lot of time alone reminding myself that I was the Creator – that like a gifted artist painting a picture, all I had to do was put the brush on paper, to take that first brave coloured stroke of decision, setting aside the mind and jibber jabber thought patterns that restrict the flow of unfolding.

All life experience is setting the stage for the ultimate destination of Purpose, and when those experiences seize to inspire movement in a forward direction, the choice is to either survive on a lower vibration or change the station – and to thrive is thy nature. I made the decision to move on, but where to go from there was a stroke I had yet to take. I knew I didn’t want another ‘job’ again, and I didn’t have it in me to compromise my self anymore, to try and build a new lifestyle in an environment I wanted nothing to do with. I knew I just had to go.

For years I’ve taken refuge in the thought that I could walk out my front door one day and be provided for, that the security I find in my home, work, and relationships, is superficial compared to the comforting embrace of a fearless heart that knows everything is already here, has already been done. The thinking of some-thing, and the doing of something though, almost entirely unrelated to each other; the thinking full of imaginative scenarios full of grandeur and success, and the doing, not without actual mundane sacrifices, stresses, and hardships. The outcome could very well be the same if one doesn’t get down on the doing part of it all, but the reality is that no thing comes without a bit of suffering. Arm yourself with remembrance and just go.

Just go, ahhh, just go! What are you waiting for! GO!

I packed my bicycle with bags that carried the bare essentials, not a lot of money but a bit of faith – I can always come back right, put the last period (more like a dotdotdot…) on my current life story, and in a state of disbelief dropped off at the ferry terminal to catch a ride to the other side, my stomach twisted in knots and my heart wild with adventure. Heeeeeeere we go! Like a knobby kneed doe, I became acquainted with the power of my direction.

I chose to bicycle away from my front door because of the very simplicity of it – a self-managed mode of transporting oneself through the inner territories of the mind while being fully immersed in the territory of earthly existence. One pedal at a time, one hill at a time, one pounding heart beat at a time. There is no shuttle-effect, like the ingenuity of flight or vehicle, where you go from one destination to the next without much more exertion than the unconscious stress the body holds while it is being propelled through space and time. On two wheels one is gradually farther from home and further along a road that becomes more home in each moment, like a warm easing in to the ever-changing landscape, giving time for such an adventure to take shape so one can begin to see the picture forming from what was once just a brush stroke.

My heart just has to say—

Bicycling is attuned with the vibration of love. Feel your skin collecting rays from the sun, feel the change in wind and the mystery of what’s around the bend, say hello to the butterflies and the bees that come to visit for a moment, and whistle with the birds as you craft your own song to sing. Take a break when you want to, camp out where you need to, and relax into the steady rhythm of living. There is no rest stop to wait for or pullout required, the bushes and the trees, the valleys and the hill tops, are all offering to support you in your journey. Take their offerings and leave your gift of pure acknowledgement – ‘I see you tree!’, a symbiotic love of seeing and being seen (maybe even for the first time?). Sleep on the ground and under the stars and find yourself waking up with the sun. Find the moon in the sky and tune in to the shifting light of darkness as she guides you through discovering your own moon cycle. Tune in, it’s life —

I am approaching 6 months since the time I left my front door, and what started out as a bike ride has, as I thought it would, unravelled the strings around my purpose so that I can see it more clearly. I have spent months off of the bicycle in that time, living and working towards my vision, the picture is by no means finished but now I know what I’m painting. With a clearer understanding of where it’s all leading to, I’m breathing life back into this journal so I can begin to share it with you again. I started this journal so that I could begin to heal the wounds of a self afflicting censorship that has disabled my creativity, but fuck it, now I actually believe I have a gift to share. Foibles and floundering for you to see a small piece of a sincere me, with a pinch of insight and words meant to inspire so that you too live the life you desire.

Hello again!