A change of mind warrants a change of lifestyle, though often it takes a certain amount of tortured festering of one’s happiness to do something about it. It’s not as though I was living the vision of the life I wanted, but I clung to it like a weathered blanket, making excuses for why I continued to perpetuate the misery of habituation while spreading my dis ease to others. I had needs that my routine city life couldn’t touch, that no one could touch, and I spent a lot of time alone reminding myself that I was the Creator – that like a gifted artist painting a picture, all I had to do was put the brush on paper, to take that first brave coloured stroke of decision, setting aside the mind and jibber jabber thought patterns that restrict the flow of unfolding.
All life experience is setting the stage for the ultimate destination of Purpose, and when those experiences seize to inspire movement in a forward direction, the choice is to either survive on a lower vibration or change the station – and to thrive is thy nature. I made the decision to move on, but where to go from there was a stroke I had yet to take. I knew I didn’t want another ‘job’ again, and I didn’t have it in me to compromise my self anymore, to try and build a new lifestyle in an environment I wanted nothing to do with. I knew I just had to go.
For years I’ve taken refuge in the thought that I could walk out my front door one day and be provided for, that the security I find in my home, work, and relationships, is superficial compared to the comforting embrace of a fearless heart that knows everything is already here, has already been done. The thinking of some-thing, and the doing of something though, almost entirely unrelated to each other; the thinking full of imaginative scenarios full of grandeur and success, and the doing, not without actual mundane sacrifices, stresses, and hardships. The outcome could very well be the same if one doesn’t get down on the doing part of it all, but the reality is that no thing comes without a bit of suffering. Arm yourself with remembrance and just go.
Just go, ahhh, just go! What are you waiting for! GO!
I packed my bicycle with bags that carried the bare essentials, not a lot of money but a bit of faith – I can always come back right, put the last period (more like a dotdotdot…) on my current life story, and in a state of disbelief dropped off at the ferry terminal to catch a ride to the other side, my stomach twisted in knots and my heart wild with adventure. Heeeeeeere we go! Like a knobby kneed doe, I became acquainted with the power of my direction.
I chose to bicycle away from my front door because of the very simplicity of it – a self-managed mode of transporting oneself through the inner territories of the mind while being fully immersed in the territory of earthly existence. One pedal at a time, one hill at a time, one pounding heart beat at a time. There is no shuttle-effect, like the ingenuity of flight or vehicle, where you go from one destination to the next without much more exertion than the unconscious stress the body holds while it is being propelled through space and time. On two wheels one is gradually farther from home and further along a road that becomes more home in each moment, like a warm easing in to the ever-changing landscape, giving time for such an adventure to take shape so one can begin to see the picture forming from what was once just a brush stroke.
My heart just has to say—
Bicycling is attuned with the vibration of love. Feel your skin collecting rays from the sun, feel the change in wind and the mystery of what’s around the bend, say hello to the butterflies and the bees that come to visit for a moment, and whistle with the birds as you craft your own song to sing. Take a break when you want to, camp out where you need to, and relax into the steady rhythm of living. There is no rest stop to wait for or pullout required, the bushes and the trees, the valleys and the hill tops, are all offering to support you in your journey. Take their offerings and leave your gift of pure acknowledgement – ‘I see you tree!’, a symbiotic love of seeing and being seen (maybe even for the first time?). Sleep on the ground and under the stars and find yourself waking up with the sun. Find the moon in the sky and tune in to the shifting light of darkness as she guides you through discovering your own moon cycle. Tune in, it’s life —
I am approaching 6 months since the time I left my front door, and what started out as a bike ride has, as I thought it would, unravelled the strings around my purpose so that I can see it more clearly. I have spent months off of the bicycle in that time, living and working towards my vision, the picture is by no means finished but now I know what I’m painting. With a clearer understanding of where it’s all leading to, I’m breathing life back into this journal so I can begin to share it with you again. I started this journal so that I could begin to heal the wounds of a self afflicting censorship that has disabled my creativity, but fuck it, now I actually believe I have a gift to share. Foibles and floundering for you to see a small piece of a sincere me, with a pinch of insight and words meant to inspire so that you too live the life you desire.